Love and Marriage

 

Frank Sinatra recording of "Love & Marriage" 1955

I loved hearing my parents' "love story" when I was little and really enjoyed hearing Aunt Grace's memories of her story with Uncle Austin. It made me think that the rest of you might enjoy hearing about your parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles courtships through her eyes as well! 

Reinhold & Louisa Zielke
11 March 1903

Our family story began when Reinhold Zielke married Louisa Staffeldt on March 11, 1903. They had three children: George, Henry & Bertha. Louisa was quite ill during her fourth pregnancy and younger sister, Martha (who always wanted to be a nurse), went to stay with them and help care for Louisa and the children. Louisa, who had pneumonia, and the baby passed away shortly after the baby's birth on March 7, 1917. Martha stayed on to help Reinhold with the house and to care for the children. In Martha's mind and heart, her sister's children were as much hers as her own children.

Reinhold & Martha Zielke
20 November 1918

Over time, Martha became an integral part of their family as she and Reinhold grew to love one another. They married November 20, 1918 and were blessed with five more children: Helen, Raymond, Grace, Marjorie & Dorothy.

George & Emily Zielke
24 June 1933

George married Emily Katherine Griesmann on the 24th of June, 1933 when he was 28 and she was 29. Their wedding reception was a small family affair at the home of Emily's parents. Grace was 8 at the time and the fact that she doesn't remember a time when Emily wasn't like part of the family, Grace believes they must have dated for several years before they were married. The only event during their dating years that is clear to Grace was from the time George & Emily took all the siblings to the gravel pit to swim and she nearly drowned. George worked at the gravel pit and Emily worked at a bias tape factory. They lived in a rental home owned by Dr. Bell (the dentist) in Oswego.

Henry & Emily Zielke
2 March 1935

Henry married Emily Clara Katherine Staffeldt on the 2nd of March, 1935 when he was 26 and she was 24. Henry and Emily were 2nd cousins as Emily's grandfather Johann was the elder brother of Wilhelm, Henry's grandfather. Aunt Grace can't really remember a time when this Emily wasn't part of the family either, as Henry met her when Grace was only two-years-old. As their parents were cousins, Emily had come for a visit in Oswego after the family car accident. Emily offered to carry Grace out to the barn to see the cows since Grace was still unable to walk at that point. When they got to the barn, Emily met Henry who was milking the cows. The rest, as they say, is history and Emily always credited Aunt Grace for her introduction to Henry! (Another interesting tidbit in the Family Tree: The two Aunt Emilies were cousins as their mothers were sisters!)

Bertha & Burdette Wood
40th Wedding Anniversary Sept. 1970

Bertha married Burdette Alva Wood on the 28th of September, 1930 at St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Aurora, Illinois when she was nearly 19 and he was 23. Burdette had just finished barber school and was opening a barber shop in Indiana. Bertha wanted to move to Indiana with Burdette, so they had a quick wedding on Sunday evening at 6 or 6:30. The two Emilies (George's and Henry's girlfriends), along with Burdette's sister Ida were Bertha's attendants. They had veal for the wedding dinner and the cake topper was recycled to top Grace's wedding cake years later. (Their daughter, Vivian, had the topper last.) Burdette took lessons and got his pilot's license through the GI Bill. Grace remembers that Burdette always bragged about how much money he made in his barber shop; hundreds of dollars in one day! Grace lived with them for two summers and remembers that Bertha wasn't allowed to wear makeup if Burdette was with her. She also remembers that they always took separate vacations and that he would always go to Colorado Springs, Colorado on his vacation. 

Garnet & Helen Hudson with children:

Dick, Jim & Janet about 1944

Helen eloped with Garnet Hudson on the 9th of August 1938 at a Justice of the Peace in Indiana when she was 19 and he was 29. They met through friends; Verna Ode was Helen's friend and Verna's boyfriend, Audy (from Kentucky), was a friend (or cousin) of Garnet's. Garnet was working on a farm outside of Oswego. Garnet had previously been working at a steel mill in Indiana, so Grace is unsure how he came to be working on a farm in Oswego. Garnet was a heavy drinker, had been married before and was ten years older than Helen, all of which were detrimental to his acceptance into the family. Helen had graduated from high school in 1937 and was working at a restaurant/bar. 

Following the accident that scarred Helen's face and broke Grace's hip, Grandpa & Grandma had received cash settlements for the children. ($2500 for Helen; $500 for Grace & $250 for Ray) They had used the money toward the purchase of a home at 5237 Fairmont in Downer's Grove, IL, which was to have been Grandma's "dream home." Garnet decided that he wanted to purchase a feed grinder to start a business in 1938-39 and asked Grandma & Grandpa for Helen's settlement money . The business didn't last, however, and Garnet went to work at Barber Green until the fall of 1942 when "Grandpa" Hudson came to get them and move the family to Kentucky. 

Aunt Grace didn't really feel like she knew enough of Helen's and Garnet's relationship or events to share more, so I reached out directly to "the kids" to see what they could share with us all. I received the following from Dick (via Judy):

"It was my impression that the eleven year difference in age of my mother ( Helen) and my father (Garnet) was of disfavor with Grandpa Zielke which led to an early life departure of Mom/Dad, me and my one year old little brother, Jim, from Oswego, Illinois to Louisville, Kentucky.

Your father (Uncle Ray) was likely an only sibling among the Zielkes to show any

measure of respect to my father. Admittedly, Dad’s alcoholism posed a lifelong challenge."

The following passage is a quote from the response I received from Janet:

"Let me begin be saying that Mother (Helen) was an angel on Earth. Dad (Garnet) had a drinking problem and when he was not drinking he was a good Dad; BUT when drinking he could be a challenge. Mother and Dad did not talk about getting married etc. After they were married they rented an apartment from the Pasko’ s (not sure of the spelling). I met Jean on one of our many vacations to visit our Illinois family who always spoiled us royally. Mom and Jean had a special friendship that lasted a lifetime. Both brothers, Dick and Jim were born in Illinois. Sometime between 1942 and 1943 Mom and Dad moved to Valley Station which is in the Great State of Kentucky! Our neighbors were Lu Bell and Joe Arnold. Sister Margie Lu was named after Aunt Marge and neighbor Lu Bell. It was such a fun house as our neighbors had no children and boy oh boy did they ever spoil us. We received birthday gifts up until they passed away!   As a matter of fact, they are buried near Mom and Dad at Cave Hill. Mom asked that I take flowers to them every time I brought flowers to her and Dad as they had no kin. Brother Dick was fortunate enough to have Lu Bell for a teacher for two years and she said he was a genius and wonderful student! While living in Valley Station our cousins (on Dad's side) came to stay with us. Berle, Lahoma and Evelyn had been placed in a home by their Mother, so Uncle Wavie asked for help with this sad situation. We all had a fun time until Dad decided to move his family to Hudson, KY (we called it 'down in the country' and that it was). NO running water ( we carried the water in lard cans), NO indoor plumbing (thank goodness for the outhouse), one room Schoolhouse. Bath time was once a week on Saturday and we all used the same water and tub ... I think Marge and I got to go first! The main crops were tobacco and watermelons ....  As Dad was working in Louisville during the week and only with us on weekends it soon became necessary to leave the farm. Family from Illinois came for Mom and family as she was not well. Upon Mom's recovery Dad came and picked us up and this time we headed back to Louisville, KY. This time Grandpa Hudson joined the Clan and we became best buddies! Grandpa eventually became forgetful and had to go live in a special place but we visited him every weekend. Along came Baby Bob while we lived on Compton. Next move was to Contestoga where we filled the house. We had wonderful friends and neighbors for the remainder of our time together! At the appropriate time Dick, went off to the army and was stationed at Fort Knox and then Germany.
Upon graduation from high school Jim went off to college on a Football Scholarship. Upon my graduation, I went to work and tried taking evening college classes, but it was too much for me as I was working two jobs. Mom and Dad moved to Montana which was close to Compton where we had previously lived. Upon Marge’s graduation, Marge worked and then married her childhood sweetheart, Larry. Baby Bob enjoyed his time with Mom and headed off to college at the appropriate time as well. Mom and Dad eventually purchased a lovely home near sister Marge. Mom and Dad spent their remaining years there until their deaths in 1985 and 1988.
In closing I would like to say just how Blessed our family was to have such wonderful grandparents, Grandpa & Grandma Zielke, Aunts and Uncles: Uncle George & Aunt Emily, Uncle Henry & Aunt Emily, Uncle Burdette & Aunt Bertha, Uncle Ray & Aunt Mary Ellen, Uncle Austin & Aunt Grace,  Uncle Bob & Aunt Marge, and Uncle Bob & Aunt Dort and especially all our many cousins who were more like brothers and sisters! Most especially Aunt Grace who is our one remaining Aunt and has enough LOVE in her HEART to share with ALL!"

Ray & Mary Ellen Zielke
11 Sept 1942

Ray married Mary Ellen Hill on the 11th of September, 1942 at the Evangelical United Brethren Church in Aurora, Illinois when they were both 20-years-old.* Ray and Mary Ellen met while they were both working at Stoner Manufacturing (down the hill from the old YMCA) in Aurora, where they made pinball and vending machines. Ray came home and told Grace that he had met a girl and not too long afterward, he told Grace that Mary Ellen's sister Dorothy had the exact same birthday that Grace did. Ray brought Mary Ellen home to meet the family fairly soon and the family all seemed to like her. Aunt Grace remembers Mary Ellen as being very caring and frequently cared for the Brown twins, Janet & Joyce, who lived next door to her. She would bring them along to visit at the farm.

Ray and Mary Ellen frequently double-dated with Ray's friend, Ralph Randall and his girlfriend, Eva, when Ralph was home from Fort Sheridan on the weekends. Dates were frequently to the movies or to the Blue Moon Dance Hall in Elgin. It was a tavern that served burgers and also had a band. (Side note: I have a hard time imagining my dad at a dance hall, yet I'm pretty sure my mom would have loved it. Maybe with enough beers and a desire to make his girl happy...) There are many pictures of Mary Ellen with Grace. When I asked Aunt Grace about their relationship, she said she felt like Mary Ellen had more in common with her than she did with her own sister, which is very true.

Ray's birthday gift 
to Mary Ellen.

Ray & Mary Ellen had a candle-light ceremony in the early evening of September 11, 1942 at the Evangelical United Brethren church on 4th Street in Aurora. Grace, Marge and Dorothy (Hill) were Mary Ellen's attendants. Standing up with Ray were Henry and Mary Ellen's cousin, Carl Smith. Mary Ellen wore the locket pictured above for her wedding. (The locket has become a tradition in Carol's family. Carol wore it for her wedding. Each of Carol's daughters and daughters-in-law wore the locket and it will be offered to each of Carol's grandchildren for their weddings as well.) The wedding was interrupted between the ceremony and the reception as Ray needed to go to the Draft Board in Yorkville with Grandpa to finalize the paperwork to obtain a draft exemption for Ray from World War II. (Farmers were needed during the war to ensure food was being raised to support the country and the troops.) They then returned to the reception in the church basement where all sat, conversed and had wedding cake and coffee. There was no honeymoon as Ray needed to get back to helping Grandpa on the farm. In the spring of 1943, Ray went to work for Louis Probst on the farm on Routes 30 & 47; the first farm on the right. They were living there when Bill was born. Later they moved to another farm on Randall Road in Aurora and then finally to Mary Ellen's parents house at 415 North Avenue in Aurora and Ray went into carpentry. 

Grace & Austin Pope
3 November 1945

Grace married Austin John Pope on November 3, 1945 when she was twenty and he was twenty-two.

If you recall, from "School Days: Part II," Grace and Austin unknowingly had their first encounter at a basketball game when Grace was inadvertently blinding Austin and others on the opposing side of the gym with the mirror on the bottom of her purse! Before they began to date, however, there was...

Before Austin, Joe Blasing, who had lived close to the Zielke farm was dating Aunt Grace. She recalls that one day, when the weather was pretty and they had moved to the Barker House, they were walking down the lane and he showed her where he used to live. Herman Blasing, Joe's father, had committed suicide in the barn. Austin was dating Della Reppy while Grace was dating Joe. The two couples had gone on double dates for dinner and a movie a couple of times before Austin and Della broke up. Grace and Joe had also broken up because, while Joe was a very nice boy, he was Catholic. One day when Austin went to the A&P (grocery store) to pick up old produce to feed the pigs, he was talking to Mr. Larsen, the manager, and told him that he was thinking about asking Grace out. Mr. Larsen was unaware that Austin had broken up with Della, his children's babysitter and told Austin that Grace wouldn't do it. The two entered into a bet!

Austin asked Grace to do him a favor and go with him to the A&P in Yorkville on Saturday night at 7:00pm, and so their first date began on April 29, 1944 with a trip to the A&P! The evening didn't go smoothly, however. It just so happened that Austin's father was in the hospital, there was a cow bellowing in their barn and Austin's mother needed help. Remembering that he was going to the A&P, she called the store, looking for Austin. The date continued with a trip to the Pope farm where they  checked on the cow, met Austin's mother, went to a 9:00pm movie followed by a hamburger, with ketchup (it was wartime and foods were rationed). When Austin took Grace home at the end of their date, they sat in the car and talked. Until 4:00am!!! Grace didn't get much sleep that night/morning, as Ray arrived around 8:00am to pick Grace up to sit with Mary Ellen who had just suffered a miscarriage.

By Thanksgiving of that year, their relationship had apparently gotten pretty serious as they took a trip to Louisville with Marge along as their chaperone. They headed out with Grandma's hand-written directions, which they were unable to read! They knew they were looking for a white house with a brick porch, kitty-corner from an orphanage.... but all the houses were white with brick porches!

"Berdie" took Grace into Chicago to Marshall Fields to find her wedding dress. Grace knew she didn't want a lot of buttons down the back and was able to find a beautiful dress with a zipper down the back, buttons in front and a sweetheart neckline for $25!!! (This was the shopping trip the salesclerk mistook Aunt Bertha to be Aunt Grace's mother!)

The wedding took place at St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Aurora because there was no Lutheran church in Oswego. Aunt Marge, Austin's sister Miriam and Grace's friend from the Civil Service, Margaret Dhuse were her attendants. Vivian Wood was the Flower Girl and Don Zielke was the Ring Bearer. Charles, who had been stationed in Italy, came  home in October and served as Austin's Best Man. Groomsmen were Ray and Walt Parks, Austin's brother-in-law who made it home on leave from WWII in time for the wedding.

The wedding reception was in Grandma & Grandpa's basement where they had tables and chairs set up EVERYWHERE to accommodate the 100+ guests. Everyone had ham sandwiches and potato salad to eat. After awhile there was a terrible racket outside the front door. Grace and Austin went to the door to welcome the charivari (shiv'-a-ree) when Ray and Bernie Blasing scooped Grace up in their arms and started running; veil flowing and Austin running behind! They ran past all the cars and it was so dark out, Grace had no idea where they were going until Uncle Frank Staffeldt was able to stop them.

In December after the wedding, Grace, Austin and Marge attended a Christmas Pageant at Bardwell School in Aurora. Afterward as they were driving along Route 25 about 10:00pm, they came upon Rodney Pierce (a friend a few years younger than Ray) who was having car trouble. After helping Rodney, they were driving on along Route 47 and came to two trucks whose drivers were stopped in the road talking. One of the trucks pulled out to turn left and their car slid under the truck on the icy road. Anti-freeze was leaking everywhere and Aunt Grace remembers being quite upset because they had just completed repairs on the Pontiac recently. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but the -10 degree temperature had them all pretty cold, pretty quick. One of the truck drivers gave them a ride down the road to Ray & Mary Ellen's place where they ran around, knocking on all the doors and windows, yelling, trying to rouse Ray or Mary Ellen. Finally, Austin went to the garage and started honking the car horn. They spent the night there and then had to use Grandpa Zielke's car for the next several weeks until their car repairs were done.

Marge & Bob Kaetzer
18 April 1953

Marge married Robert Henry Kaetzer on April 18, 1953 when he was twenty-nine and she was twenty-five. Bob was known to the Zielke family most of his life as Bobby Stillson, although he had never been formally adopted by Lydia & Skyler Stillson. Skyler was a barber who worked with Uncle Burdette. Bob & Marge's courtship began when he wrote her a letter. He was working in Gary, Indiana and would come to stay on the weekends. They dated for 1-1/2 to 2 years before they married, although Aunt Grace doesn't recall them having any "real" dates. Bob bought her ring from a jewelry store that was owned by the people he stayed with during the week in Gary.

Dorothy, Grace & Helen Gilmore were Marge's attendants. Bob's childhood friend, Johnnie Ragen from Arizona and Austin were groomsmen. Kathy & Margie Lu were Flower Girls with Norm as the Ring Bearer.

It was mostly relatives in attendance at their 4:00pm wedding at St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Aurora. While wedding pictures were being taken, Margie Lu entertained everyone in the hall with "5 Little Ducks," teaching it to everyone there. The reception followed at the church where sandwiches, cake and coffee were served. After the reception, lots of guests came to Oswego to continue the celebration. Afterward the newlyweds went to a hotel between Joliet and Plainfield. Dorothy (Dort), Eleanor, Austin & Wally Schoen tracked them down and wrote on their car windshield with lipstick. They honeymooned in the Smokey Mountains and later moved into the Barker house until Ray built their new brick home across the street from Grandma & Grandpa Zielke. 

Dorothy & Bob Hendrickson
Christmas, 1987

Dorothy married Robert William Hendrickson on June 21, 1958 when he was thirty and she was twenty-four.

Dorothy and Bob met while she was teaching at Shabbona High School. Bob's brother-in-law owned a grocery store and Bob was a meat cutter in the store. Dorothy shared an apartment with her girlfriend Carola; she and Bob used to double date frequently with Carola and her boyfriend. They dated for about two years during which time Bob had gone home to Waukegan and worked at a paint store. Bob was accepted well into the family, even though he wasn't a farmer...

They were married at St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Aurora. Dorothy made her own wedding dress. Carola and Norma Peterson, Dort's grade school friend were her attendants. Marcia was the Flower Girl and wore a dress made by Aunt Grace. Tommy Hunt was the Ring Bearer. Bob Hunt, Bob's brother-in-law and Carola's boyfriend were groomsmen. Dorothy's godfather, Wilbur Schutt walked her down the aisle as Grandpa was 78-years-old and shuffled when he walked

At the reception in the church annex, guests were served salads, relish trays, chips, cake and punch. Aunt Grace made the punch and remembers cousin Judy kept peeling carrots until they were all gone.

Dorothy wanted to go to New England for their honeymoon. They were gone two nights; made it to Michigan and came back home. She had decided it was too frivolous to go on a honeymoon. They took Marica and Nan back to Waukegan with them. They purchased a lot with plans to build their house later.

Dorothy quit teaching at Shabbona after she married. Later she taught in a private girls' school in Kenosha. After Jayne was born, Dorothy started a preschool at their church. Bob worked in roofing materials and sold AMC cars.

As I  reflect on the family relationships I observed so many years ago; the relationships between the Zielke siblings, their relationships with their spouses and the spouses' relationships with one another, I remember each of them fondly. I know none of them were perfect, and I'm fairly certain none of their marriages were perfect all the time. I am certain, however, that they loved one another and they loved their families; it was evident when I saw them together. While none of them were perfect, they were perfect for each other. Each courtship was different, each marriage was different, but each of them fought through the hard times and appreciated the good times "until death do us part." My love and appreciation for each of them, and the examples they have given us, has only increased as Aunt Grace shared their stories. What a blessing to each of us that they were all brave enough to say "Something Stupid."

Frank & Nancy Sinatra

"Something Stupid" 1967